To Infinity and Beyond

My experience with the concept of infinity has been limited, to say the least. It has been confined to the number of days until Christmas (It will NEVER get here, were my thoughts as a child) to the doodling’s of the infinity symbol on the cover of my high school binder (for some reason it was cool back in 1975) to the declarations of love by my children when they were young (“I love you to the moon and back, infinity times!!”) When pushed to further contemplate the reality of infinity, my mind is bound by its finite nature. I cannot conceive a line that has no beginning nor end.

It was with this bewilderment that I read Chapter 1 of Dr. Kent A. Beesey’s book “To Infinity and Beyond.” I anticipated with great excitement the prospect that, finally, this mysterious and unfathomable concept would have its secrets revealed to me and I would understand infinity. Oh, the things I could do with this knowledge…. well, I can’t really think of anything but I’m sure understanding infinity would make me the life of the next ward party as I explained it to all within the sound of my voice.

Imagine then, my dismay when I read these words “The collection of all subsets of a set is called its power set. Informally, to obtain a power set we look for all combinations of objects from a given set. For example, the power set of {1, 2, 3} is {Ø, {1}, {2}, {3}, {1, 2}, {1, 3}, {2, 3}, {1, 2, 3}}, where Ø represents the empty set. If the idea of a power set intrigues you, then I encourage you to take (or audit) an introductory course in set theory. In that course we prove that the cardinality of the power set is always greater than the cardinality of the original set.” What??? I feel pretty comfortable in saying that the idea of a power set does not intrigue me, so we can set aside any notions of an introductory course in set theory.

While Dr. Beesey attempts to explain infinity in the simplest of terms, I was pretty much lost from the beginning. I did, however, understand and could relate to the example of the number of seats in the Marriott Center and the number of individuals wanting to attend an event there. It is easy to see how if the sets P (people) and S (seats) match up, they have the same cardinality. I see that every Sunday when my family comes to dinner: I have 8 chairs and 13 people who want to sit at the table to eat.  The cardinality of Set P is definitely more than the cardinality of Set S. It also means that Set C (my couch) will get dirty as the result of Set G (My Grandchildren) spilling Set D (their dinner) on it. Or maybe I am confusing the concept.

Dr. Beesey sums up my feelings in this statement: “The mathematically minded should be overcome by cerebral exhaustion” although I would amend it to say “The mathematically challenged will definitely get a headache.” While this exercise did little to expand my understanding of infinity, it did prompt me to ponder the limits of the human mind and the infinite power of God. As I considered the vastness of the universe and the concept of infinity and eternal life, I was humbled and awed at the great gift of this life experience. That we even have minds so equipped that we can wrestle with these concepts is proof of God’s existence to me.

But just to make sure that I put my knowledge of infinity to good use, when my husband walked by I grabbed him and said “Hey, I love you to the moon and back, infinity times!”

Somebody

He sat in the wheelchair, slump shouldered and old, looking bewildered and surprised at his new surroundings. The young man who wheeled him in stood at the counter to fill out the check-in paperwork. The old man's eyes looked as if he was no longer himself, just a stranger left in the body that used to be his. He knew he used to be somebody, but it was only shadowy memories that flitted across his mind, quickly hiding away before he could fully remember them.

“Do you know how to get to Oakland?” He nearly shouted the question at the man who had just entered.

“I’m so sorry, sir, I just moved here and I’m not sure how to get anywhere.” The man looked around the room to see if anyone else knew the answer.

“I will pay you good money if you can drive me to Oakland. You just have to take me to the bank so I can get the money out. I will make it worth your while. You can name your price.” The old man’s eyes lit up as his wheeling and dealing ideas began to take shape.

“I’m sorry sir, but are you here alone? Isn’t there anyone with you who can get you to Oakland? Is that where you live?” While the old man tried to remember where he lived, the young man at the counter turned, quietly explaining to the room, “I’m his caregiver...he lives here in Sacramento.”

He brought the paperwork over for the old man to sign

“Do you know me?” the old man asked the caregiver. “Can you take me to Oakland?”

The young man, who could have had any job but had chosen this one, nodded and said “Yes, I’ll take you to Oakland.”

“You will? How much money do you want?”

“I will do it for free.”

“No, we will have to go to the bank first, Wells Fargo. I have money, not much because I was robbed two times and they also stole my belt. But you name your price and you will be a rich man.”

The young man helped his charge sign the papers, a task the old man took seriously. It took him several minutes as he diligently worked to remember the shapes in his name.

He spoke again, the words weren’t right and he shook his head, frustrated and ashamed.

“I’m 94 years old. I just can’t think of the words; it’s so hard,” and tears formed in his eyes. His young friend patted his arm.

“Can you take me to Oakland? I need to go to the bank. Wells Fargo. I think it is in the place that is the company of California. What is that place?” He was confused at his own question, knowing it was not right but unable to correct it.

“Sacramento; that’s the capital of California," the caregiver informed him.

“Can you take me to Oakland? I have money in the bank.”

“Yes, I’ll take you to Oakland.”

The old man looked astonished.

“You will? You will take me to Oakland?” He began to sob and hold his face in his hands.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.” The young man patted his hand and allowed the old man his moment of gratitude.

A woman in the corner watched with tears in her eyes and walked over to sit near them.

Quietly, to the caregiver, she said, “What a sweet man.”

And to the old man “Hi, what is your name?”

The old man brightened immediately. This woman was flirting with him, by golly!

“Well, hello, young lady!” and to the caregiver: “This young lady is talking to me. Do we know her? Is she your friend?”

“Yes, she’s my friend.” The caregiver and the woman’s eyes meet and silently agree to the lie.

“Do you know Safeway’s Coffee place? Do you ever have Edward’s coffee? Well, I could tell you…. well, no, I would just be making stuff up…”

The nurse came out and called the woman’s name. She told the old man she had to go now and shook his hand.

“It was so nice to meet you” she told him, feeling his warmth, his humanity as they touched.

“But we will see you later, right? You’re going with us, right? She’s going to come back and go with us, right?”

“Yes, she’s coming with us,” said the caregiver.

He was still there in his wheelchair when the woman came back. She waved goodbye and he smiled as if he knew he was supposed to know her but didn’t know why or how. But the thought was gone again, replaced with Oakland and the man he had left there, the one who used to live in his body. He missed him.

“Can you drive me to Oakland? I have money, you can name your price.”

The First Step: Be Yourself

When I stepped into the baptismal font on January 1, 1983, I slipped and almost fell, nearly performing the baptism myself. I remember that I nervously made a little joke, like "That first step is a doozie!" How true that statement was and what a doozie that step has been for me. 

It has been over 33 years since I committed to baptism and for more than half of my life I have been a member. But I still feel new - I still feel like I have no idea what I am doing! I can remember my first couple of Relief Society meetings and feeling horribly out of place. I was greatly intimidated by these accomplished women. I knew nothing about sewing or canning or crafting (some things never change!) and felt that I had nothing much to offer. I  invited one of my friends out for ice cream and told her that I felt like I was so much less than the other women.  Her words have stayed with me: "It doesn't matter - just be yourself." I really tried to take those words to heart and be okay with just being myself. It wasn't easy for me but here are some of the things that I needed to learn and I'm still learning today:

• Heavenly Father does not care if I use food I grew and canned myself to feed my family. He only cares that I feed them.
• He does not care if I sewed the clothes my family wears. He just cares that I keep them warm and protected.
• He does not care if my house is messy and disorganized. He cares that I keep "filth" out.
• He does not care that I fill my home with the latest fashions and gadgets. He cares that I fill it with the spirit.
• He does not care if my children are not always perfect. He cares that I love them anyway.
• He does not care if I am not perfect. He loves me anyway. 
• He does not care if I'm fat or thin, tall or short, beautiful or homely. He cares that I love and respect myself.

Too often I have compared myself to others, seeing only the outside perfection, not the inside battles. Too often I have forgotten, in the busyness of my callings, that the simple message of the gospel is to love and serve one another, not that my lesson includes handouts and treats.

After 33 years, I'm still trying to keep my focus and an eternal perspective. I'm still trying to judge less and love more. I'm still trying to remember that the gospel is not about programs and meetings, it is about people and service. I'm still a work in progress and have a long way to go. But I am so thankful that I took that first doozie of a step and for all that I have learned along the way.

High Love/High Standards

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives-mothers and fathers-will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."

Piece of cake, right?

Parenting. Is there anything more difficult, more frustrating, more exhausting, more emotionally draining? Can anything else bring us more joy, more delight, more meaning, more love? Being a parent is definitely the most daunting and rewarding job we do. It can be difficult to navigate the muddy waters of the world today, with it's shifting values and disdain for the things we treasure.

So how do we accomplish our sacred duty and give our children the best foundation upon which they can build their lives? I love this concept of High Love/High Standards, presented in a talk called "Building Zion Together" by Elder Kim B. Clark. I think as we apply it to our efforts, it can help us keep perspective and focus while working towards loving and teaching the little ones that Heavenly Father has entrusted to us. Thoughts, anyone?

"The nurture of the Lord is His warmth, kindness, and strengthening power; His mercy and grace; His divine encouragement, good cheer, confidence, and hope.  The nurture of the Lord is the pure love of Christ.

The admonition of the Lord is the laws and commandments of the Lord, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, the doctrines of salvation, and the ordinances and covenants of the temple.  The admonition of the Lord is the standard of His glorious gospel.

These two dimensions combine to create a framework I have found helpful in understanding how we help each other.  Think of this as a map of your efforts to help your roommates and friends establish the doctrines, attitudes, and practices of Zion in their lives. 

With love-low to high-arrayed across the diagram, and setting standards-low to high-arrayed up and down, we get four zones:  1) low love, low standards; 2) high love, low standards; 3) low love, high standards; and 4) high love, high standards.

Whether you are a roommate, a friend, a home or visiting teacher, or a family member, if you are trying to help someone establish the patterns of Zion, you need to be in the upper right zone.  You need to be in the zone of Zion, the zone of high love and high standards.  There are two reasons.

First, the upper right is the only zone where we are fully living the gospel.  It is the only zone where we love one another with the pure love of Christ and teach the standards of the gospel by precept and by example, the way the Savior would teach them.

Second, the upper right zone is the only zone where you can help another person establish the patterns of Zion effectively.  Look carefully at the other three zones.  In each one an important part of the gospel message is missing.

High Love-Low Standards:  You love and support, but don't teach doctrine or encourage righteous attitudes or actions.  Your message is:  The gospel is not important.

High Standards-Low Love:  You admonish without love, and so what you say sounds arbitrary, harsh and judgmental.  Your message is:  You are not important.

Low Love-Low Standards:  You neither love nor admonish.  Your message is:  I don't care about you or the gospel.

In the zone of Zion the message is:  I care.  You are important.  The gospel is important."

Joy Defined

Is there anything about being married in the temple that makes a marriage better or last longer (temporally speaking) or just more overall successful? I've been pondering that lately. We all know people who have had long, successful, and happy marriages who were not sealed together in the temple - my own parents are a perfect example. We've also known those who have been sealed and yet their marriages are full of contention and unhappiness. So what effect, if any, does being sealed in the temple have on a marriage?

Having first been married civilly and later sealed in the temple, I was thinking that I would have an answer for that. I would like to say that my marriage was considerably improved after our sealing. But I do not recall any 'before and after' differences and I was kind of disappointed in realizing this. I was hoping for something definitive to point to, as if to prove "See - being sealed in the temple makes this and that better." But I can't.

As I think it over, though, I can see that there has been a cumulative effect, not only on our marriage, but also on our family. Our years of putting the gospel first, of serving others, of keeping commandments, of continually seeking ways to learn and grow, have strengthened our marriage. And most importantly, our efforts of keeping an eternal perspective, focusing on the end goal of returning to our Heavenly Father and living eternally as a family, has helped us weather the swirling storms of adversity that have befallen us from time to time.

Having an eternal marriage did not prevent us from being challenged and tried. But it has helped us to stay committed during our trials and feel joy and happiness in spite of our worries. Having an eternal marriage has provided an example of a worthy goal for our children to strive for and we have seen the fruits of their success in achieving that goal. And with each passing year, it becomes more precious to me, especially as I see the world distort and corrupt the sacredness of marriage.

I know I say this all of the time, but it is what is always in my heart and the answer to my prayers: I am grateful every day that I chose to marry the best man I have ever met and that he is my eternal companion. And because of that choice, my sons have had the opportunity to choose incredible women as eternal companions and have their little ones sealed to them. Our family is eternal and this is the definition of joy.

Child's Play and Baby Boys

I had the opportunity this past week to have Eli and Chloe over for some uninterrupted play time with the plastic animals.  As I watched them divide the animals into separate family units, it reaffirmed for me Heavenly Father's plan for the family. They had an innate knowledge that each family needed a mom & a dad, fulfilling different but equal roles. They also had a natural inclination to emulate the parent of their own gender, Eli taking the role of father and Chloe the mother.  They acted out all kinds of situations - daddies going to work, mommies taking care of sick children. I believe there was even a giraffe heading off to serve a mission. What struck me the most about their play was how vital the family unit was to them and how important it was that their baby animals had parents - both parents. Even these little children know that a father and a mother, with their unique characteristics, provide the necessary foundation from which children can learn and grow. 

I am also so happy to know that an 8th Anderson grandson will be joining us in a few months. As I have wondered why we have so many boys in the family, it dawned on me that the world is in dire need of good men - men who will grow up in the gospel, who willingly serve the Lord and their fellow man, who will be good husbands and fathers. What better place for them to learn what it means to be a man than in an Anderson home? And what great examples they will be of the kind of men our sweet, precious granddaughters should look for in their future husbands.

I am so grateful for all of our little ones - they teach me so much....

The Spiritual Value of Marriage

Hi Family,
Welcome to my Blog! I hope that you will be able to find the time to read my posts and comment as you feel prompted. Although I am doing this blog to fulfill an assignment at school, it is something I have wanted to do for a long time. It is my hope that it will help strengthen our family bonds and give us all things to think and ponder about.

I am studying the "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" for my religion class this semester. We are literally studying it line upon line, precept upon precept! What a great opportunity this is for me as I am already feeling a greater sense of the importance of marriage, and I am just 3 weeks into the class.

What has impressed me the most so far has been the role that the spirit  and our divine nature plays in marriage. Although I was not a member of the church when your dad and I met, I can look back now and see the influence the spirit had in my life, guiding me to make choices that led to our meeting. I would like to share with you a few words I wrote in another essay about our first meeting:

         So at age 20, I packed up and moved to a new city to start a new job working for my brother, a move that would change my life forever. Shortly after my arrival, my brother hired an estimator - a very good looking estimator. He had a disco ‘fro and a “Marlboro Man” moustache, a very hot commodity in 1978. But there was also something different about him; he had a light and a countenance I had not known before. When we were introduced, he shook my hand and an amazing thing happened: it seemed as though he did not see the emotionally crippled, insecure girl that I was, but saw instead the potential for strength and confidence that was lurking beneath the surface. Three weeks later we began dating and I found out that he was an inactive Mormon. And so it was that over coffee, cigarettes, and wine he taught me the gospel, and we were married 9 months later by the bishop in an LDS chapel.

As I have thought about this encounter years later, it is evident to me that in that first meeting there was a spiritual connection. This connection has endured over all of these years, helping us to continue on in spite of the hardships and difficulties we have encountered. If you will indulge me, I would like to include an example from the same essay that explains how that connection has helped me through the difficulties of my illness:

But Heavenly Father knows we must be tried in all things, and just about 7 years ago I was inflicted with a sudden and chronic mystery illness that completely floored me. My life as I knew it was over and I was devastated. The old voices bubbled up again, telling me I was nothing and I could not pull myself out of the deep well of despair. I began seeing a therapist who helped me make some headway with the depression I was experiencing. But something was missing from my efforts and I couldn’t push past my old enemies of doubt and insecurity.

But then one day about a year ago my husband did something quite small in action but huge in results. I had helped him solve what was to me a minor problem with our accounting software. When I showed him what I had done, he said simply “You’re amazing!” I laughed and said something sarcastic, like “Oh yeah, I’m so amazing’. But he grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes and said “No, I really mean it. You are amazing.” Something about the way he said it reminded me of those early days when we had first met and I felt that he could see past my broken self and once again into my potential.

 He continued to tell me that I was amazing over the smallest of things. It kind of became our little joke: I was amazing when I constructed a spreadsheet or cooked dinner or bought him his favorite cookies from Trader Jo’s. But each time he said it, I could feel his sincerity and the meaning behind it. And very gradually, a light began to grow again within me and I started to believe him. Maybe I really was amazing.

 In the year since he first made that declaration, I have come to understand what it really means and it has helped me move past my roadblocks. I am amazing and it is because I am a daughter of God. I have a divine spirit, and when it is freed from the prisons I construct myself, I am pure light, an amazing reflection of our Creator. It is the same spirit that simmered deep inside of me and told me that I was worth more. It is the spirit that my husband recognized when he shook my hand the first time we met. Those prison walls are still a battle to tear down and new ones are always popping up.  But I know what lies behind them: an amazing spirit, growing in power and stature.  I am humbled and grateful that I have been blessed with an eternal companion who has the ability to see with spiritual eyes and remind me always of who I am.  And I dare to tell myself every day that, yes, I am something of great worth -  I am amazing.

I hope that each of you can recognize the influence of the spirit and can look upon each other through spiritual eyes, seeing your eternal companion the way that Heavenly Father sees them. It was not by chance that you each met your spouse. I believe that it was by the power of the spirit that you were drawn to one another and that your marriage is truly ordained by God. 

I love you all and I am grateful everyday for the choice you each made to marry in the temple. Thank you for the powerful examples you are to me.