The First Step: Be Yourself

When I stepped into the baptismal font on January 1, 1983, I slipped and almost fell, nearly performing the baptism myself. I remember that I nervously made a little joke, like "That first step is a doozie!" How true that statement was and what a doozie that step has been for me. 

It has been over 33 years since I committed to baptism and for more than half of my life I have been a member. But I still feel new - I still feel like I have no idea what I am doing! I can remember my first couple of Relief Society meetings and feeling horribly out of place. I was greatly intimidated by these accomplished women. I knew nothing about sewing or canning or crafting (some things never change!) and felt that I had nothing much to offer. I  invited one of my friends out for ice cream and told her that I felt like I was so much less than the other women.  Her words have stayed with me: "It doesn't matter - just be yourself." I really tried to take those words to heart and be okay with just being myself. It wasn't easy for me but here are some of the things that I needed to learn and I'm still learning today:

• Heavenly Father does not care if I use food I grew and canned myself to feed my family. He only cares that I feed them.
• He does not care if I sewed the clothes my family wears. He just cares that I keep them warm and protected.
• He does not care if my house is messy and disorganized. He cares that I keep "filth" out.
• He does not care that I fill my home with the latest fashions and gadgets. He cares that I fill it with the spirit.
• He does not care if my children are not always perfect. He cares that I love them anyway.
• He does not care if I am not perfect. He loves me anyway. 
• He does not care if I'm fat or thin, tall or short, beautiful or homely. He cares that I love and respect myself.

Too often I have compared myself to others, seeing only the outside perfection, not the inside battles. Too often I have forgotten, in the busyness of my callings, that the simple message of the gospel is to love and serve one another, not that my lesson includes handouts and treats.

After 33 years, I'm still trying to keep my focus and an eternal perspective. I'm still trying to judge less and love more. I'm still trying to remember that the gospel is not about programs and meetings, it is about people and service. I'm still a work in progress and have a long way to go. But I am so thankful that I took that first doozie of a step and for all that I have learned along the way.