The First Step: Be Yourself

When I stepped into the baptismal font on January 1, 1983, I slipped and almost fell, nearly performing the baptism myself. I remember that I nervously made a little joke, like "That first step is a doozie!" How true that statement was and what a doozie that step has been for me. 

It has been over 33 years since I committed to baptism and for more than half of my life I have been a member. But I still feel new - I still feel like I have no idea what I am doing! I can remember my first couple of Relief Society meetings and feeling horribly out of place. I was greatly intimidated by these accomplished women. I knew nothing about sewing or canning or crafting (some things never change!) and felt that I had nothing much to offer. I  invited one of my friends out for ice cream and told her that I felt like I was so much less than the other women.  Her words have stayed with me: "It doesn't matter - just be yourself." I really tried to take those words to heart and be okay with just being myself. It wasn't easy for me but here are some of the things that I needed to learn and I'm still learning today:

• Heavenly Father does not care if I use food I grew and canned myself to feed my family. He only cares that I feed them.
• He does not care if I sewed the clothes my family wears. He just cares that I keep them warm and protected.
• He does not care if my house is messy and disorganized. He cares that I keep "filth" out.
• He does not care that I fill my home with the latest fashions and gadgets. He cares that I fill it with the spirit.
• He does not care if my children are not always perfect. He cares that I love them anyway.
• He does not care if I am not perfect. He loves me anyway. 
• He does not care if I'm fat or thin, tall or short, beautiful or homely. He cares that I love and respect myself.

Too often I have compared myself to others, seeing only the outside perfection, not the inside battles. Too often I have forgotten, in the busyness of my callings, that the simple message of the gospel is to love and serve one another, not that my lesson includes handouts and treats.

After 33 years, I'm still trying to keep my focus and an eternal perspective. I'm still trying to judge less and love more. I'm still trying to remember that the gospel is not about programs and meetings, it is about people and service. I'm still a work in progress and have a long way to go. But I am so thankful that I took that first doozie of a step and for all that I have learned along the way.

High Love/High Standards

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives-mothers and fathers-will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."

Piece of cake, right?

Parenting. Is there anything more difficult, more frustrating, more exhausting, more emotionally draining? Can anything else bring us more joy, more delight, more meaning, more love? Being a parent is definitely the most daunting and rewarding job we do. It can be difficult to navigate the muddy waters of the world today, with it's shifting values and disdain for the things we treasure.

So how do we accomplish our sacred duty and give our children the best foundation upon which they can build their lives? I love this concept of High Love/High Standards, presented in a talk called "Building Zion Together" by Elder Kim B. Clark. I think as we apply it to our efforts, it can help us keep perspective and focus while working towards loving and teaching the little ones that Heavenly Father has entrusted to us. Thoughts, anyone?

"The nurture of the Lord is His warmth, kindness, and strengthening power; His mercy and grace; His divine encouragement, good cheer, confidence, and hope.  The nurture of the Lord is the pure love of Christ.

The admonition of the Lord is the laws and commandments of the Lord, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, the doctrines of salvation, and the ordinances and covenants of the temple.  The admonition of the Lord is the standard of His glorious gospel.

These two dimensions combine to create a framework I have found helpful in understanding how we help each other.  Think of this as a map of your efforts to help your roommates and friends establish the doctrines, attitudes, and practices of Zion in their lives. 

With love-low to high-arrayed across the diagram, and setting standards-low to high-arrayed up and down, we get four zones:  1) low love, low standards; 2) high love, low standards; 3) low love, high standards; and 4) high love, high standards.

Whether you are a roommate, a friend, a home or visiting teacher, or a family member, if you are trying to help someone establish the patterns of Zion, you need to be in the upper right zone.  You need to be in the zone of Zion, the zone of high love and high standards.  There are two reasons.

First, the upper right is the only zone where we are fully living the gospel.  It is the only zone where we love one another with the pure love of Christ and teach the standards of the gospel by precept and by example, the way the Savior would teach them.

Second, the upper right zone is the only zone where you can help another person establish the patterns of Zion effectively.  Look carefully at the other three zones.  In each one an important part of the gospel message is missing.

High Love-Low Standards:  You love and support, but don't teach doctrine or encourage righteous attitudes or actions.  Your message is:  The gospel is not important.

High Standards-Low Love:  You admonish without love, and so what you say sounds arbitrary, harsh and judgmental.  Your message is:  You are not important.

Low Love-Low Standards:  You neither love nor admonish.  Your message is:  I don't care about you or the gospel.

In the zone of Zion the message is:  I care.  You are important.  The gospel is important."