A Weird Word
Pride
is a weird word. It is known as one of the seven deadly sins and one of Satan’s
most powerful tools. It is used to covey conceit, smugness, and superiority,
but also self-respect, gratification, and honor. It is a confusing word and probably better
defined by the emotion behind it rather than the word itself. President Ezra
Taft Benson said:
Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance. In the scriptures there is no such thing as righteous pride – it is always considered a sin. Therefore, no matter how the world uses the term, we must understand how God uses the term so we can understand the language of holy writ and profit thereby if pride is being committed…The central feature of pride is enmity – enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowman. (1989.)
Lessons on Pride
Like
everyone, my husband and I have had our fair share of lessons on pride in our
40 plus years of marriage. Losing our business and our home during the economic
downturn of 2008 was a huge blow to our pride. We felt like failures and it was
very difficult to face the world and pick ourselves up again. It was also a
humbling experience for me, after struggling for 2 years with difficulties with
my balance, to finally agree to use a walker to assist me in getting around. I
was only 55 at the time and was embarrassed that I had to use something only ‘old’
people used. To add insult to injury, I couldn’t afford a new one, so I used a
walker I inherited from my great-aunt; it was hot pink, guaranteed to attract a
lot of attention.
Pride is especially damaging when we allow it to cloud
our relationships with others. It was during these difficult years that my
husband and I learned one of the best lessons in humility that helped us overcome
some of our prideful tendencies.
After our lease was up on my car, we had to
turn it back in and I was without a car for about a year. We were finally able
to scrape together enough cash to buy a used vehicle and I was looking forward
to having my own transportation again. My husband was tasked with finding a car
but I had a few stipulations: it had to have an automatic transmission, four
doors, and not be a dark color, especially black, because we have a gravel
driveway.
Unfortunately, during the time my husband was searching
for a car, I had to have a spinal tap that left me flat on my back for 3 weeks
with a spinal headache. I was unable to even lift my head off the couch, let alone
check out any cars. So, it was left to my husband and 18-year old son to test
drive and ultimately select my ‘new’ car. Imagine my delight when they
excitedly presented me with a ’95 2-door BMW, with a 5-speed manual
transmission, a window-busting sub-woofer filling the trunk, and a shiny, black
paint job. Oh, and did I mention that it had a modified exhaust system that
could be heard at least a mile away?
Overcoming Pride
My first reaction to this totally
unsuitable car was anger. How could my husband get a car that was exactly one I
did not want and especially one that was so loud and embarrassing for me to
drive? He is not typically an insensitive guy but has been known to act first
and get permission later. I think John Gottman was describing my husband when
he said “…men who resist letting their wives influence them are not even aware
of this tendency.” (2015.) I suspect my son had used his “The question isn’t ‘Should
you get this car?’ It is ‘Why wouldn’t you get this car??” argument that ultimately
swayed my husband.
But as I thought more deeply about it, I was humbled by
the idea that my husband had worked hard to find the money to buy me a car. It
was inexpensive and we were able to pay cash for it. It would get me to work
and back and was sufficient for my needs. I could even fit my hand-me-down walker
in the back seat. So, I drove that car and actually began to enjoy it. People
could hear me coming when I was 5 minutes away and their expression was
priceless as they watched me get out. They expected a teenage boy but instead
watched a middle-aged grandma pull a hot pink walker out of the back seat.
My husband, too, learned a valuable lesson. He repented
of his hasty and prideful choice to leave me out of the car purchasing decision.
He realized his error in allowing my son to influence the teenage boy that
still inhabits my husband from time to time. My next car was a matronly 4-door
Silver VW Passat with a trunk large enough to accommodate my hot pink walker.
However, the greatest lesson for me was the understanding
that my worth is not defined by the car I drive or the house I own or the
success of my business. It isn’t even determined by how much influence I have
over my husband and especially, that I cannot get around very well without using a walker. My worth and value were determined long before I came to this
earth: I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me and I am humbled by that
knowledge and try to incorporate it into all that I do. President Benson said
it well “The proud depend upon the world to tell them whether they have value
or not…. If we love God, do His will, and fear His judgement more than men’s,
we will have self-esteem.” (Benson. 1989.)
References
Benson,
E. T. (April 1989) Beware of pride. Ensign. Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-Day Saints. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng
Gottman,
J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making
marriage work. New York: Crown Publishers.
Thanks, Evelyn!
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