Charity Begins at Home

 Tax Deductions

I did an internet search on the word ‘charity’ and the result was mainly a list of charitable organizations that were available to receive donations. They ranged from the American Red Cross to the Wounded Warrior Project, all worthy recipients. But aside from Webster and Wikipedia definitions, there was nothing that would indicate that charity is one of the greatest characteristics a person can have. It’s not too surprising, though, that the world is more concerned with the outward physical act of charitable giving rather than the inward development of a charitable heart. Oftentimes our heart is not involved in our charitable contributions. For a lot of people, and companies, what lies at the heart of their ‘charity’ is a healthy tax deduction. 

Is this what happens in our marriages sometimes? Do we forget to bring a charitable heart into the relationship? Maybe we feel like we work hard and share all that we have with our family – a sort of ‘charitable’ contribution of our time and our talents. However, we get upset or angry or frustrated when our spouse fails to meet our expectations or we think we deserve more than we are getting from them. That is not being very charitable.

A Change of Heart

A few years ago, I was a witness to a true change of heart that demonstrated to me the importance of charity in marriage. My sudden loss of balance and chronic neurological difficulties that began 10 years ago, propelled me into a battle with major depression. While this literally knocked me off my feet, it also had a negative effect on my husband. He, too, was dealing with a heavy load of issues and depended on me to be the strong partner I had always been. But this proved too big for me and I was a basket case. 

While he tried his best to be patient with me, his first response was to tell me to ‘push through it.’ He really didn’t want to hear about how hard this was for me and how I felt like I was dying, both inside and out. And it didn’t help that the doctors could not figure out what was wrong with me. I tried hard to ‘push through’ and continued to go to work every day. But as my symptoms worsened, my world shrunk ever smaller and I felt a loneliness and despair I hope to never feel again.

I don’t know if it was my husband who changed or if it was my perception that changed, but after a few years of trying to cope with the new me, I noticed a difference in how my husband treated me. He began complimenting me more and telling me how amazing he thought I was. He exhibited more patience when I had difficulty walking or talking and was more compassionate when I felt hopeless. I felt that he could see past my ‘broken’ self and into the divine part of me that was struggling to find footing again.

Charity Begins at Home

I believe that I was on the receiving end of true charity – the kind of charity spoken of in Moroni 7:47 “...charity is the pure love of Christ…” Through my husband’s simple acts of charitable kindness, love, and acceptance, I was slowly able to make my way out of the dark well I had fallen into. I was given a soft and safe place to land that enabled me to regroup and find my place in the world again.

Charity does begin at home. Whether it is because of weakness or illness or transgression, we are all in need of charity. H. Wallace Goddard said, “We simply will not survive and thrive in the challenges of marriage unless we take upon ourselves the mindset that Jesus has. His redemptive mindset is called charity...Charity comes only when we humbly recognize the weakness of our mortal natures and throw ourselves on the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah (2 Nephi 2:8, emphasis added).” (2009)

My husband looked past his own needs and set aside his frustration with my situation. He saw my struggles and felt my pain while helping to carry my burden. With charity in his heart, he helped me see my worth and know that I was not alone. Although I still struggle physically, this charity – the pure love of Christ – has left me grateful for a husband who seeks after and listens to the spirit, and has chosen to see me the way that Christ sees me. Although there is no tax deduction for this kind of charitable contribution, I feel the bounty of the Lord's blessings and I'm rich in all the ways that count.  

''And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest 

of these is charity"

(1Corinthians 13:13).

References

Goddard, H. W. (2009.) Drawing heaven into your marriage.  Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing. Retrieved from https://content.byui.edu/file/821fd904-e409-49a9-b078-7fff99c33387/1/Drawing%20Heaven%20into%20Your%20Marriage.pdf