.
Remember the 1966 hit song “Cherish,” by The Association? Well,
maybe not. But the lyrics went: “Cherish is the word I use to describe all the
feeling that I have hiding here for you inside.” (Kirkman. 1966.)
Great song,
but I’m sorry to say that there were many times over the years that 'cherish'
was not the word to describe my feelings for my husband; frustrated &
resentful were probably more accurate. When I was an overwhelmed mother of four,
it was sometimes hard to remember why I thought he was so wonderful. I worked
part-time and handled the majority of household responsibilities, while he
worked 60-hour weeks building a business. We each carried heavy loads and it
was easy for our marriage to take a back seat. We both felt over-burdened.
Somehow, we managed, though. Maybe it was because we had developed
what John Gottman calls Love Maps: being “intimately familiar with each other’s
world” (2015). We made it a point to touch base with each other throughout our
day. We knew each other’s schedule, shared our worries and concerns, and made
sacrifices for one another. However, it wasn’t always smooth sailing. Sometimes
it took a while for one of us to understand what the other was going through.
Sometimes it even took a while for me to figure out what I was going through. But
we persevered and plowed through those crazy years, becoming closer in the
process.
An interesting evolution has occurred over the last
few years and our relationship has grown in unexpected ways; I would almost describe
it as existing on a more spiritual plane. As we watch our elderly parents
struggle with health issues and the loss of a beloved spouse, we understand more
deeply the preciousness of our time together here on earth. We have begun to see each other
in more eternal terms, perhaps even as our Heavenly Father sees us. We are less
quick to be irritated with each other and instead find the humor in our little
quirks and idiosyncrasies. As we deal with stress and illness, we are more
aware of our mind/body/spirit connections and take tender care to minimize damage.
We see more clearly the unique and great qualities that drew us to one another
in the first place and nurture our fondness and admiration for each other. It feels as though the very stars we had in our eyes at the beginning of our courtship are shining ever brightly again. 
“Companionship in
marriage is prone to become commonplace and even dull. I know of no more
certain way to keep it on a lofty and inspiring plane than for a man
occasionally to reflect upon the fact that the helpmeet who stands at his side
is a daughter of God, engaged with [God] in the great creative process of
bringing to pass His eternal purposes. I know of no more effective way for a
woman to keep ever radiant the love for her husband than for her to look for
and emphasize the godly qualities that are a part of every son of our Father
and that can be evoked when there is respect and admiration and encouragement.
The very processes of such actions will cultivate a constantly rewarding
appreciation for one another” (Hinckley p. 24)
References
Hinckley, G. Marriage
and
Family Relations Instructor’s
Manual, Lesson 5 . The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/study/manual/marriage-and-family-relations-instructors-manual
Kirkman, T. (1966).
Cherish [Recorded by The Association}. On And Then... Along
Comes. CA: Boettcher.
Remember the 1966 hit song “Cherish,” by The Association? Well,
maybe not. But the lyrics went: “Cherish is the word I use to describe all the
feeling that I have hiding here for you inside.” (Kirkman. 1966.) 
Somehow, we managed, though. Maybe it was because we had developed
what John Gottman calls Love Maps: being “intimately familiar with each other’s
world” (2015). We made it a point to touch base with each other throughout our
day. We knew each other’s schedule, shared our worries and concerns, and made
sacrifices for one another. However, it wasn’t always smooth sailing. Sometimes
it took a while for one of us to understand what the other was going through.
Sometimes it even took a while for me to figure out what I was going through. But
we persevered and plowed through those crazy years, becoming closer in the
process.
An interesting evolution has occurred over the last
few years and our relationship has grown in unexpected ways; I would almost describe
it as existing on a more spiritual plane. As we watch our elderly parents
struggle with health issues and the loss of a beloved spouse, we understand more
deeply the preciousness of our time together here on earth. We have begun to see each other
in more eternal terms, perhaps even as our Heavenly Father sees us. We are less
quick to be irritated with each other and instead find the humor in our little
quirks and idiosyncrasies. As we deal with stress and illness, we are more
aware of our mind/body/spirit connections and take tender care to minimize damage.
We see more clearly the unique and great qualities that drew us to one another
in the first place and nurture our fondness and admiration for each other. It feels as though the very stars we had in our eyes at the beginning of our courtship are shining ever brightly again. 
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